Things I Learned from the Internet, Part 103.5

I know that this has been blowing up all over the internets yesterday, but I really gotta say, every now and then the internet does something that's not related to porn, cute animals or consumerism that I really love. This is one of those things.

I've been a little anti-love and relationships for a bit recently just because, living in San Francisco makes me realize that dating is not really my scene. It's so fleeting-- and frankly, I'm just not interested even though all my friends are pressuring me to be. But, then I come across one of those videos that make me feel like, "Yeah. Love it. This is awesome. I'm back into it. Full circle."

So moral of the story, if you want to be depressed by stories about chemical warfare, a crap economy, political turmoil, porn, drugs and how nothing is really working right, turn to the internet. If you want a one in a million chance of seeing something that (if nothing else slightly) restores your faith, turn to the internet.

I also haven't really used Vine, but one of my co-workers turned me onto the video below, which made me giggle.

Not All Those Who Wander Are Lost

I really like to travel. There's something really exciting about going somewhere that you've never been, or even revisiting places that you've been before but just love so damn much that you have to keep going back. I also think that traveling inherently makes you a better person. I'm sure some people will argue that this isn't very nice, since it implies that only wealthy people can be good people since they're the only people that can really afford to travel. But to you, I say nay.

 You can "travel" locally! In fact, it's one of the best things to do. Sure, there's certain things that you can only learn in specific places, but really it's whatever place resonates best with you. I remember that when I was little, I didn't fully grasp what poverty was until I went to go visit family in Malaysia. The kids there had no toys, often their families (my extended family!) couldn't afford TVs, and because American junk food was so expensive, they didn't keep much of it in the house. They ate healthy, played outside, and had to play with each other for amusement. Things were hard-- I remember my cousin broke her arm falling down and her family couldn't afford to send her to the hospital (rural hospital was quite expensive) after my family left, but they still splinted her up and she's fine. (And apparently kind of a indestructible.)

My favorite thing about living in San Francisco this summer is just walking around. Wandering around downtown or the mission at night or on the weekend with friends is really fantastic. I think part of it is that, as we get older, we begin to lose that something--that unexplainable extra-- where you're just excited for no damn reason. Maybe it's the surprise factor-- the unexplainable excitement that comes from not knowing what comes next or around the corner. When you're little, it's literally everything because you barely know how to function like a normal human being (I still struggle sometimes). But when you're somewhere new, you don't know what is on THIS street or what is in THAT store/trail/fork in the road. This kind of freedom is so small that I think it slips through too often without anyone noticing. I know that I'm often so focused on work or school or whatever little drama or task that I need to think about that I fall into a predictable rut.

It's hard to keep telling myself to reset-- to think not just about what I'm doing, but why I'm doing it. Especially after years of consulting and (continuing) a high pressured, time-sensitive, deadline-driven lifestyle, taking time to wander seems illogical, inefficient. It's easier to just keep working, go to school and do everything that's expected. But I think that exploring, trying new things, going to new places remind me why I'm doing it, and that's most important of all.

The Chennai Express

So a couple weekends ago, I went to go visit my dear friends C and D who just moved to Redwood City from The City (San Francisco) and into a brand new (beautiful!) condo. Among other things, we had a great weekend going for walks in the wildlife reserve outside of their front porch (life’s rough, right?), debating the safety of his new, red Ducati speed bike, most likely drinking more than we should and “doing Indian things” (their words, not mine). We went to Indian brunch, where I got some dosa (a large crepe-like thing, which you tear into pieces and eat with one of the five various sauces that it’s served with) and going to an Indian movie. We went to go watch Chennai Express, which, although there are terrible reviews of it floating around, I found to be thoroughly interesting and enjoyable. I learned a lot. It was truly a cultural experience. A recap:

• All my Indian friends love to dance, but they always made fun of how funny Indian dancing (moves often stolen from Bollywood movies) is. Well, there is AWESOME music in Bollywood movies, so my conclusion is that Indians dance differently (note: not just standing there dry humping the air) because their music is better. Here’s what I see for the future-- a return of Indian beats (bhangra beats, yo) in mainstream music again (kind of like when we saw the emergence of latin music in the 90s)
• Why can’t all movie theaters offer snacks of the samosa variety? I tell you what, it doesn’t have to be an Indian movie for me to thoroughly enjoy a mango lassi (I know it’s not “real Indian food”, but I really like them) and a samosa with my movie. I think they’d pair just as well with the new Wolverine movie than with Chennai Express. Delicious
• I feel like I got my money’s worth. It was approximately a 3 hour movie. I got an intermission in the middle-- to buy more snacks. When I came back, there was another set of previews before the movie started again. This, my friends, has got to be pure marketing genius. Someone in the Indian movie industry came up with the “Why not two sets of previews? Two sets of advertising revenue? Two times to build hype for what’s coming up?” and someone gave him a million dollars in a burlap sack (with a green dollar sign painted on it). I’m pretty sure that’s how it works when you’re a business genius
• Finally, I know Indian movies get a lot of crap because they’re slightly formulaic. Okay, really formulaic. The formula basically goes like this: take one protagonist who is poor, have them meet by chance another main character of the opposite sex who is not. Have them fall in love. Introduce a third party that is a hurdle for the two characters to overcome if they want to be together. Multiply with some family disbelief, some family members trying to secretly sabotage/support the two lovebirds and then some silly antics. Divide by one big (very public) confession/show of love. Live happily ever after. I’m not a big romantic, although I wish I was. But the best part of the movie is the escapism. It’s just so over the top that you actually begin wishing that you could believe that life will work out like that and you’ll find the person that will make you happy (and apparently break into a choreographed dancing/singing number with elephants) and that understands where you’re coming from even though you’re from two different worlds. I’m willing to pay for that

Now, all I need to do is find another Indian movie house. Chai please.

And, to end on a dance number:

If Pitbull Wasn't Pitbull...

He could be an excellent telephone operator. 

"Hi, I'd like to look up a movie theater in...."

[Pitbull]

Went from Mr. 305 (DJ) to Mr. Worldwide, all around the world

Now we're International, So international, international, So international

You can't catch me, boy

I'm overseas and with about a hundred G's per show

Don't test me boy, (Don't test me boy)

Cause I rap with the best for sure,

305 till the death of me

Cremate my body and let the ocean have what's left of me

But for now, forget about that,

Blow the whistle

Baby you're the referee

DALE!

"Uhm, I actually just wanted to know if there "This Is the End" is playing near me. Could you look up..."

[Chorus: Chris Brown]

You put it down like New York City

I never sleep, wild like Los Angeles

My fantasy, hotter ill be Miami

I feel the heat!

Ohh, Miss International love (international)

Ohh, Miss International love

[Pitbull]

I don't play football but I've touched down everywhere

Everywhere? Everywhere! (dale!)

I don't play baseball but I've hit a home run everywhere, everywhere

I've been to countries and cities I can't pronounce

And the places on the globe I ain't know existed

In Romania she pulled me to the side and told me `Pit, you can have me and my sister.`

In Lebanon, yeah the women are bomb

And in Greece you've guessed it the women are sweet

Been all around the world but I ain't gon' lie there's nothing like Miami's heat

Dale!

"Well that sounds like a great time! I'm actually looking for something in the Bay Area? Maybe? Uhm, closer to Daly City if possible..."

[Chorus: Chris Brown]

You put it down like New York City

I never sleep, wild like Los Angeles

My fantasy, hotter ill be Miami

I feel the heat!

Ohh, Miss International love (international that's right!)

Ohh, Miss International love

"Is there someone else on the line? Who is that?"

[Pitbull]

Down in D.R. they're looking for visas,

I ain't talking credit cards if you know what I mean!

En Cuba, la cosa esta dura!

But the woman get down, if you know what I mean!

In Colombia the women got everything on but they're some of the most beautiful women I've ever seen

In Brazil they're freaky with big ol' booties and their thongs, blue yellow and green!

In L.A. tengo la Mexicana, en New York tengo la boricua

Besito para todas las mujeres en Venezuela, muah! (mami)

Y en Miami tengo a cualquiera!

"I thought I pressed one for English...hold on..."

[Chorus: Chris Brown]

You put it down like New York City

I never sleep, wild like Los Angeles

My fantasy, hotter ill be Miami

I feel the heat! (all around the world)

Ohh, Miss International love

Ohh, Miss International love

"So I'm actually looking for the Bay Area? West of those places?"

[Chris Brown]

There's not a place that your love don't affect me baby

So don't ever change

I cross the globe when I'm with you baby

Heeey (Chris Brown)

Woah-oh  

"I really don't want a relationship...just so info, can I talk to you manager?"

[Bridge: Pitbull]

Chris Brown

This for the women worldwide

That's right

"This is way more than I asked for..."

[Chorus x2: Chris Brown]

You put it down like New York City (212)

"Anything in the 415?"

I never sleep, wild like Los Angeles (310)

"No? 415? Nothing?"

My fantasy, hotter ill be Miami (305)

"I'm not in the f-ing 305! I want 415! 415!!"

I feel the heat! (305!)

Ohh, Miss International love (international?)

Ohh, Miss International love (so international... you international? so international...)

*click*

Read more: Chris Brown - International Love Lyrics | MetroLyrics 

Some People Just Like to Watch the World Burn: How Google Is Getting in (Little) Trouble

Everyone loves to root for the underdog. If you’re me, you REALLY like to root for the underdog. I mean, I know a thing or two about underdogs-- it’s almost like a set out in my life to be the underdoggiest of the underdogs (note to self: don’t use the term “underdoggiest” again. It sounds dirty in a not-good way.). Some people came from divorced families? Single parents? I came from a divorced family and didn’t grow up with either of my parents. Boom. Some kids struggle to pay for college? I struggled to pay for high school and then got a scholarship to college. Asthma, high blood pressure and high cholesterol all run in my family. But I grab my inhaler (sports-induced, the most gangster of all asthma types) and go play whatever sports I want. I went to Notre Dame (enough said). And when I graduated and moved to Chicago, I started rooting for the Cubs. There’s just something gratifying knowing that-- hoping against hope-- maybe one day, the impossible (improbable) might happen. Similar to birthday cake, the happiness associated it with it is strongly tied to its rarity. 

There are other people that are the antithesis of people like me. Their love of underdog is more generalistic-- they generally just hate to see the big guy win. It’s a more negative take on the rooting for the underdog. Those people will be very happy to hear, it seems like all phasers at set to Google. 

I’ve long been a Google-lover. I like the convenience of my gmail and all that space of my drive!! I mean, I could upload homework docs for days (yes, this is my life now that I’m in business school). Their Hangout leaves much to be desired, simply because its so glitchy and inconsistent, but I’m sure it will improve over time. That being said though, my reaction in the current news is really more like this:

So what's happened? 

1. Facebook decided to eat Google's lunch by building a user interface that essentially sits on top of all the hard work that Google put into creating their operating system. Google is in a tough spot here because they can't close off their developer capabilities (they've long stated that they are the open-sourced system) but at the same time, if they don't do anything, Facebook is essentially going to take away all of those eyes from Google's normal system/hard work and then where will the ad dollars go if all the data is diverted?
2. It also appeared on my radar recently that Google has a thing called Project Loon, which is their attempt to beam internet access down to earth from (not kidding) plastic balloons floating 11 miles into the atmosphere. Despite their best intentions of providing internet access to everyone (including developing countries), they've come under scrutiny and critique from people claiming that maybe they aren't in it to help people but maybe just trying to get more people to look at their ads. As Bill Gates (who is heavily investing in medical care for developing countries) said, "When a kid gets diarrhea, no, there’s no Web site that relieves that"
3. Google's prime hardware manufacturers are also coming out with new devices, but where there were once held breaths and excited whispers, new announcements have people wondering, is that a smart phone or a tablet? Take Samsung's new jumbo phone called the Galaxy Mega. At over 6 inches, it can't fit in my pocket but it's too small to use for productivity...Compensation purposes I guess?

I feel bad to watch the darling of Silicon Valley being dinged on relatively small things in the bigger scope of their tech lives, but it's still interesting to see how quickly public opinion can turn (even in little ways). Keep on keepin' on Google! Now you know how Apple, Cisco, Microsoft and Oracle feel I guess. 

Code {poems}

I read the other day that people were beginning to write poetry in code. Like, developer code. Code, since it's essentially its own language, really actually lends itself well to this.

I love this idea. I don't know what kind of nerdy braniac decided to do this, and I'm sure I won't understand any of the poetry, but this is awesome.

The GoogleBox? The PSG?

I like to know things. I read a lot of magazines. I wonder a lot about just things that I see in my every day life-- they usually range from the "I wonder what the fiscal cliff is going to do to my portfolio this time around?" to the "If you wanted to design Pictionary for cats, how would that work?". So I'm not saying it's all gold people, I'm just saying it happens. And of course, my curiosity definitely bleeds into my personal life in the sense that I like to think that I care a lot about my friends and family-- I try to memorize birthdays, know preferences (loves avocado, hates olives, loves their boyfriend, hates their girlfriend, etc.) and life characteristics (wants to be single forever, regrets breaking up, wants to get married, heavy McDonald's eater after 2AM--yes this is a life characteristic people). All of these things make me a better person to be around I think, because I can use these facts to make sure I can make you happy. So that makes sense. Companies do this too. However, my curiosity can't hold a candle to what Google knows and wants to know about you. But despite all of their best intentions, I don't know if they're really using the right methods to get to that information.

I read a really interesting analysis of the new (rumored) Google gaming system the other day at SeekingAlpha (Don't Do It Google!) and I have to admit I'm fascinated. With all of the money that Google has been investing into gathering information on its customers (and then turning around and selling that data) they've seem to have migrated into the business of "do whatever it takes to get more customer data" so that they can sell their ads, etc.

When they used this strategy (early on, might I add, before any of us really realized how valuable this would be) and made maps so that essentially they could begin to see all the location data that was flowing through the system and be able to partner it with reviews, check ins, and then (an attempted) integration with their fledgling social media platform, Google+, that made sense. Why not collect more information about where people are? You're already collecting information on what they are interested in (search), who they hang out with  (Google+), what they like (reviews through Google Maps) and who they go with (check ins). Then they decided that maybe communications was this deal, but the short life of Google Wave put the kibosh on that. That was fine though because they had Google Hangouts, so all was well again. They also began offering Google Drive, so that now, while they couldn't see what exactly you were doing/sending, they could see the frequency of your doing/sending and the size of the things you were doing/sending. So that hedges their bets for storage, in case they need any information in the future on the average person's usage of storage or if they decide to apply that information to enterprise initiatives and offerings that they currently have.

But then they began investing into gaming. That makes sense, to an extent. Why wouldn't they want to know what people do for fun? Besides, there's some money to be made in gaming, especially casual gaming, which is a growing niche of gamers (much to my sadness, because that means I won't have anyone to play Champions of Norrath or Ultimate Alliance with-- Who will be the Captain America to my Storm?)(Yes, I play as storm. Yes I realize this is a wrong life choice. Yes I die all the time. But I do it anyway. Because I have loved storm since childhood.). However, to build your own gaming console is a totally different story. UNLESS....

Ninny's Rules for Building a Super-Awesome Gaming Console If You're Google

• Social Playing-- Duh. Just steal this from Microsoft's Xbox. Not only could it potentially bring in subscription money, but it gives you more social data. There have been whole studies around social behavior that have been modeled through games (They've used WoW to model the financial impact of TARP on American society. True story.)
• Allow for an Open Development Environment -- Basically, do what you always do. Make it open, encourage developers to make stuff on it. Buy/take the cream of the crop. Monetize. Repeat until you can dive around in Scrooge McDuck mountains of money. 
• Allow for Some Free Games -- No one else is really doing this right now because its pricey. Sure we get some free levels on Candy Crush Saga, but it still follows the "freemium" model. Google has the money to make completely free games and give them away, so why not? Worst case scenario is that you get people like my mom who will casually (i.e. maniacally, obsessively) play them when their kids aren't around. It's a gateway game my friend-- give them something free first as a gesture of goodwill and maybe you can trick them into giving you stuff you want (money, data) later. Take a note from the pilgrims.
• Make It Simple -- Walk a fine line here though. Too little functionality makes real gamers mad that it's not exactly like their PS3 or XBox. Too much functionality make the Wii-heads get frustrated. Give it a range of games, but make the UI simple. That means: limit all the random streaming stuff that you want to give me as a default, but also allow me to download Netflix and Hulu on there if I want.
• Figure Out Your Partnerships -- Consoles aren't just consoles anymore. So give me something to entertain myself with. Netflix? Hulu? HBO or Starz? That would be awesome. A partnership to stream old episodes of my favorite network shows by partnering with my cable company or network? Even better. Say goodbye DVR, Google just ate your lunch. 
• Don't Forget About Security-- I'm sick of all these security leaks. Google's come under a lot of fire because security is a natural trade off for something that's super open. Let's not make that mistake with this device because I might want to put my entire life through it.

Ultimately, Google's console has the potential to be a lot of different things, but above all, a portal to all of the media that we currently enjoy in our homes. They certainly have enough information about me to make it customized to my needs. Now they just need to go-- be awesome. Call me Ororo.

Marissa Mayer-- What She Predicts for the Fall Season!

I think it’s kind of funny to watch the whole Yahoo fiasco. I mean.... it was up and it was down. It seemed destined for bankruptcy and then all of a sudden people began to wonder if maybe it would get that miraculous turnaround that it so desperately needed with Marissa Mayer. And then, it was almost like all of my favorite publications suddenly all turned into a bad re-run of People magazine-- there were snarky comments about her parenting style, what she stood for as the figurehead for working women everywhere, and even comments on the types of charities that she supported and the types of designers that she supports. I mean really people. What next? You’re going to start reporting news on how Britney Spears taught her iPhone how to recognize “Y’all”? I really don’t care about that.

I could care less about what she wears. She can wear a meat suit like Lady Gaga if she wants as long as she pulls my stock out of the hole that it's in right now. 

For all of the feelings that I have around Yahoo, I have to say that Marissa Mayer is still a positive change from what it was before. No matter your feelings about Yahoo in the future, they’ve been buying up a ton, investing heavily in mobile, and are trying to recreate and revitalize their business into more of a portal-based strategy-- much like how they were viewed when they first got into the game. 

For some fun charts and graphs.... read the BusinessWeek article “Can Marissa Mayer Save Yahoo?”

And Then There Was Firefox...

This is kind of a rough week for mobile hardware. Things have been all over the place! First, we find out that the Windows phone is outpacing the BlackBerry devices, then we find out that BlackBerry has formed some sort of special committee to consider what strategic alternatives it has, including a possible sale. 

On a tangent, the death of BlackBerry makes me kind of sad, only because my first smartphone that I ever owned was a BlackBerry Bold and its saddening to hear that BlackBerry is now working on it’s BlackBerry 10 operating system (BB10) and not even scraping by. I mean, a 4.4% market share is not enough market share to stay alive! I remember when everyone had BlackBerrys, and there was something awesome about it. I miss the actual keys (because I suffer from fat finger syndrome) because it allowed me to type out emails without opening my eyes from bed (yes, at one point that was my life). However, the BlackBerry situation really strikes me because it’s not really going to be the beginning of something new-- it’s not like they’re sitting in the conference room discussing what type of new product of new venture they’re going to go into to revitalize their business. Even if they were going to create something new, they would need to partner with someone or merge with someone to make that happen. No, what I imagine is happening in that conference room is a serious discussion around identifying potential buyers, defining the potential fallout if they were simply to dissolve and/or declare bankruptcy and argument over which products are salvage-able and which ones aren’t. 

When I think about BlackBerry, I think some of it’s biggest potential partners would be organizations that might not be traditional mobile guys-- which might be a good thing. Much like the MySpace rising from the ashes, the BlackBerry resurrection could be powered by going in a completely different direction. If nothing else because the brand has become a pun in itself, moving into a completely different industry would give it more of a fresh start without any of the lagging negative connotations. But I digress. Poor BlackBerry.

Firefox also released its new phone recently. In a way that really kind of blows my mind-- it will be priced cheaper than pretty much any other smartphone out there ($79.99), will be sold through eBay (no worries for Firefox on negotiating carrier contracts and no time lost to market in taking time to negotiate those contracts) in order to maximize the availability of the phone globally, will offer an open OS (those pops you hear aren’t a figment of your imagination--developers just exploded all around the world) and will be carrier agnostic. What. The. Hell.

Okay, let’s do a run-down, not only do I love their genius, no-holds barred, super aggressive entrance (style points!) but the combination of accessibility and affordability is a serious threat to the existing players out there. 

• Cheap - Affordability on this thing is out of control. $79.99?! Are you kidding?! Not only are emerging markets going to die over this, but IF Firefox can promise the same type of quality experience that other hardware can offer then this may have the opportunity to become something that says, “Hey I’m cool and I also have a smartphone. But it’s also one-of-a-kind, non-establishment and super affordable-- so tell me who’s the smart one now?” Particularly in cultures where frugality is a positive  characteristic (I can say from experience that Chinese culture this is definitely true, although this is quick-changing with the rise of the new rich)

• Sold on eBay - Pure genius. Global platform allows them to have a single channel of demand so that they can have deeper insight into the devices they need. Additionally, they also save money by being able to consolidate their warehouses and streamline their shipping process. Inventory is kept smaller than if they supplied carriers/ASPs or retail shops, so it’s a smart operational move all the way around. Particularly since Firefox has always been a more “intangible” brand-- building its name as a browser first, the need for physical stores right now is unnecessary (future stores--maybe)

• Open OS - Why not let the developers do the work for you? Particularly with the open OS that they exhibited with developers early on through the development of their browser, this makes sense

• Carrier Agnostic- The power of numbers my friends. This will place a lot of pressure on their OS to be flexible as it will need to adopt to many different carriers and their sometimes-personalized needs, but carrier agnostic? Awesome.

So I’ll have to keep an eye on Firefox... They’re doing crazy things when no one is watching. 

Why the Internet Could Be the Cure for Memories

When I was little, I was acutely aware that my father was a photographer. There were a lot of very obvious clues-- the piles of camera equipment everywhere (these were the days where pictures meant more than just your cellphone, and often it required a whole separate bag just for lenses), the constant yell of “Look over here! Don’t look like you’re looking though! No! Just look!” (which was really confusing for a young kid, let me tell you) and the stacks of photo albums in the family library. There were also some very subtle things. One of the few memories I have of my dad was once, on a particularly muggy, warm night during the summer time, as the ground was cooling off and spilling that heat into the surrounding air so that you felt like the earth was this crazy living thing slowly trying to wake up after a long sleep, I was sitting with my dad in the family library. He was probably trying to balance books from our families businesses at the end of the day and, while he pored over accounting books, I was equally studious at the The Bernstein Bears or something similar. I looked up after a lot of frustration at not being able to find room to put my book back and asked my dad why he needed all those photo books anyway. 

He told me that he needed somewhere to put all of the photos he took. I asked him why he needed so many pictures. He told me that we all needed pictures-- he took them so that one day I wouldn’t forget where I came from-- that I would know that I was connected to something bigger than just me. Although one could argue that this was just some cultural asian thing that perfectly embodies the way asian families teach their children to prioritize (education, family, nation, everything else, then yourself), I can’t shake this memory today. I’ve recently read a lot of articles about how we (royal “we”, as in “us, society people, peeps who live together in these weird community-thingies). Wired wrote an article called “1993” that held mini stories about how those born in 1993 used technology today. Wired also interviewed Tim O’Reilly (founder of Global Network Navigator, the world’s first web portal, and now head of O’Reily Media) to review (in his own words) the evolution of technology as he’s seen it change over time. I watched Google’s Geek Week mini video about how gaming brings us together, and I read multiple other stories (“Punks Not Dead” and “Great Expectations”) about how one Ian Rogers went from skater bum of a by-gone Dogtown and Z-Boys era to a leader at TopSpin (a connection platform for artists and their fans) and the struggles of Irrational Games’ Ken Levine in making Bioshock Infinite as a perfect antithesis to Ayn Rand’s utopian image. What have learned?

Technology is changing the way that we expect to connect to one another, but beyond that, it’s something that’s bringing true value to us by reminding us that we’re not alone-- far from it. Before my time, it was Usenet, and even during my memory it was the Geocities Communities. It was Kidzone, ICQ and now it’s moving toward a more Reddit-based community, but the best thing that technology has done is to remind us-- to give us a way to reach out and connect with like-minded people. This can have and, the stories that I’ve recently read can attest, are making a profound change in the existence of us-- us as a people. Gone are the days where the nerd in school will never find anyone to share his LAN-based love. Gone are the days where the esoteric, old-sunken-ship-rebuild-in-a-bottle hobbyist can’t find others to debate the merits of certain types of glue. The most remote girl in the middle of the middle of the midwest can still comment on the merits of the latest fashion on the Paris runways with someone in Tokyo. 

So is this why we love the internet? Because its our stable-est friend? Because it guarantees that, through if nothing else mathematical probability, we will never have to worry about loneliness again? To use consultant speak, this is a fundamental pivot point where expectations are changed dramatically. The generations have become increasingly “me-centric”, but maybe the internet simultaneously encourages and mitigates that tendency. Sure, we now demand that we’re “on” all the time-- that people answer any forms of communication immediately (or maybe they’re purposely avoiding us). But in return, we’ve also given a lot more of ourselves. Privacy is a huge point of contention, we throw almost all of ourselves-- probably a more genuine form of ourselves-- on the internet simply because we know now that there are others out there like us. I think that’s a small price to pay to remember that I’m connected to something bigger than me. 

If Kanye Wasn't Kanye...

I do a lot of my thinking in the shower. It's usually about really important things like, if celebrities weren't celebrities, what type of occupation would they have based on what I know from their songs?

Kanye West might be a trainer at a gym. Here's how I think it sets itself up:

Work is the worst, Mark thought as he threw his gym bag into the bag of his car. The sun beat down on him aggressively, reminding him that the summer sunshine, although brutal now, was soon going to be replaced with colder fall breezes and, soon after that, snow. He drove slowly to the Equinox-- relishing the last moments of quiet before he was shoved into a weight room filled with yelling trainers and overly machismo-ed up men-- all vying for that one spot near the mirror in the weight room where they could watch themselves work out without actually looking like they were watching themselves work out. Mark? He just wanted something to do for the day so that he could say he was being a healthy person-- and then go home and grab a beer. The gym had gotten weirder anyways, offering new classes he had never heard of before like SoulCycle and Bikram Hot PiYo...what the hell was that any way? He pushed open the door and walked in....

Work it, make it, do it,
Makes us harder, better, faster, stronger!

[played in background, continuously:]
Work it harder, make it better,
do it faster, makes us stronger,
more than ever, never over,
Our work is never over.

[Chorus:]
Now that don't kill me
Can only make me stronger
I need you to hurry up now
'cause I can't wait much longer
I know I got to be right now
'cause I can't get much wronger
Man I've been waitin' all night now
That's how long I've been on you

I need you right now
I need you right now

He sat down on the weight bench next to a trainer taking his break, taking his break that is while simultaneously continuing to lift weights while watching himself in the mirror unabashedly. Mark was okay with quietly working out-- no conversation was needed in a gym among men, right? Then the guy next to him turned to him and said...

Let's get lost tonight
You could be my black Kate Moss tonight

Mark stepped back. This guy was nuts. "What?"

Play secretary, I'm the boss tonight
And you don't give a fuck what they all say right?
Awesome, the Christian and Christian Dior
Damn, they don't make 'em like this anymore
I ask 'cause I'm not sure
Do anybody make real shit anymore?
Bow in the presence of greatness
'cause right now thou has forsaken us
You should be honored by my lateness
That I would even show up to this fake shit

Mark stood up "Get the hell away from me man. You're nuts. I'm going to call security."

So go ahead go nuts go ape shit
Especially in my pastel on my bape shit
Act like you can't tell who made this
New gospel homey, take six, and take this, haters


Now that don't kill me
Can only make me stronger
I need you to hurry up now
'cause I can't wait much longer
I know I got to be right now
'cause I can't get much wronger
Man I've been waitin' all night now
That's how long I've been on you

I need you right now
I need you right now

Me likey

I don't know if you got a man or not,
If you made plans or not

Mark began to see where this was going."Listen man, I respect your lifestyle...but..."

God put me in the plans or not

Oh, was a he a religious nut?

I'm trippin' this drink got me sayin' a lot
But I know that God put you in front of me

A drunk?

So how the hell could you front on me?
There's a thousand you's, there's only one of me
I'm trippin', I'm caught up in the moment right?

"Do you need me to get someone, man? Maybe call a friend for you?" Mark began nervously looking around-- could he get to the door in time if this guy really lost it? Didn't anyone else notice this guy on a tirade? The musclemen around him kept huffing and puffing-- eyes fixated on that point beyond the mirror but still on their reflection.

This is Louis Vuitton Don night
So we gonna do everything that Kan like
Heard they'd do anything for a Klondike
Well I'd do anything for a blonde-dike

Transgender? Mark began lifting weights again, trying to ignore what was happening next to him. Maybe this was like the people at the kiosks in malls-- if you just didn't make eye contact...

And she'll do anything for the limelight
And we'll do anything when the time's right
Ugh, baby, you're makin' it (harder, better, faster, stronger)

The guy leaned in closer...



Now that don't kill me
Can only make me stronger
I need you to hurry up now
'cause I can't wait much longer
I know I got to be right now
'cause I can't get much wronger
Man I've been waitin' all night now
That's how long I've been on you

I need you right now
I need you right now

You know how long I've been on you?
Since Prince was on Apollonia
Since OJ had Isotoners
Don't act like I never told you [x6]
Baby, you're making it (harder, better, faster, stronger)

"Just leave me alone okay man?"

Now that don't kill me
Can only make me stronger
I need you to hurry up now
'cause I can't wait much longer

"Do you wanna use these or something?" Mark offered the weights up like a peace offering. No recognition happened. 

I know I got to be right now
'cause I can't get much wronger
Man I've been waitin' all night now
That's how long I've been on you

I need you right now [x4]

"That's it, I'm leaving."

You know how long I've been on you?
Since Prince was on Apollonia
Since OJ had Isotoners
Don't act like I never told you
Never told you [x4]

Mark got up and put the weights back on the holder. "You need help man!" He yelled as he swiveled around. The trainer in the hoodie was finally silent. As Mark walked away he heard him say, "All of the lights...."


So yup. Kanye West. If not Kanye West, a crazy, 'roided up trainer. Songs don't lie people. This is what I think about and the number one reason why I should have not children. 

I Is What I Is

I have been known to be a woman of extremes. For example, I don't believe in buying the small size of Twizzlers-- not only because the pull-n-peel effect is just not as satisfying but also because I don't believe in half-assing it when it comes to playing with my candy food. I've been known to maybe drink a little too much, sleep a little too much, work a little too long. I am a terrible runner, for example, because my entire life has bee spent playing sports where I sprint the entire time, so I usually sprint the first half mile of my "run" and then collapse in a heap on the side of the sidewalk as old people and children go along their merry way. (I've also been known to make old people and children really uncomfortable.)

I feel like our society today drives us to live in extremes-- you don't dislike things, you hate things, you're not angry, you're infuriated. The closest thing that gets to middle of the road is Facebook who lets you like things-- but when you're buried under a torrent of likes, that speaks to itself. And although I am an extreme person in some respects, I can become very neutral in terms of my relationships. Sure, there's people that I absolutely ecstatically love unconditionally so much that I could just follow them around forever, and there's also people I wish that I never had to see again. However, most people fall in the middle and a select few sit in the exact middle-- I exactly nothing them. They don't even have a modicum of being more positive than negative-- they just sit in the middle, riding the fence of my emotions for eternity. If you are one of these people, I don't wish that you stub your toe every morning but I also don't hope that you win the lottery one day. I don't think about you really....ever. And if I do come across interesting facts about your life, I'll utter a non-commital (but polite) acknowledgement noise, "Oh? That's so nice." and then I'll promptly forget that I ever learned that piece of information. Immediately.

One of my friends was remarking on this the other day when we were talking about a mutual friend who just got married. She could tell I didn't really care, but that I was participating solely for the purpose of talking about something I knew she was interested in, and she said it was impossible that I could really "nothing" someone. But I disagree!! "Nothing-ing" a lot of people is actually really useful! Sure, people could move from "Like" to "Nothing", but they can also move from "Nothing" to "Dislike" or "Like"-- I'm not saying I'm an unfeeling monster. I just think that there's hardly enough time for me to pay attention to people I care about, so I really don't want to spend time with people I don't care about. That's where "Nothing-ing" someone comes in. Think of it as the equivalent of a one-way, emotional vacuum. The purest form of emotional efficiency...!

This is not something we should be scared of people. I know we've been conditioned through social media to care about every like, poke, pin, upvote, etc. out there, but sometimes it's good to have nothing. Maybe it even gives us better perspective, I don't know. But I must go. Time to check the likes on my status update.

High Tech and Immigration

Who knew that the high tech industry would affect immigration reform so much? I mean, outside of everyone.

It's no secret that most of the high profile firms nowadays are hiring the best and the brightest-- and they frankly don't care where those people come from as long as they continue to provide exemplary results. In a recent Economist article, "The Jobs Machine",

In another NYTimes article, "A Bill Allowing More Foreign Workers Stirs a Tech Debate", Joey Doernberg, a unemployed engineer, is a little upset because, although being in the high tech industry for years in chip making, he is now struggling to find a job in the industry that he loves. He blames the influx of immigrants who are now specifically hired for their skills, whereas his skills, although pertinent, would still require a fair amount of retraining before they gain attention from the recruiters that are prowling the business schools and engineering hotspots today.

Having a lot of friends who are on visas to be here to begin with (to go to school and now to actually work), I wonder if this immigration debate is going to end up with us needing to decide whether or not we want to curb the young immigrants that we educate here or the older immigrants who are looking to bring themselves and their families over. Although there is merit to each, I can't help but think that I'm pretty sure which one the government would choose.

I Was Listening to Kanye's "Diamonds From Sierra Leone" and...

I've decided that if we had to take Jay-Z's character from this song and make him a business man, he'd either be the best business man ever, or the worst one. Either way, I think he would annoy me. I don't want to work with him. He's a total yes man.


"Ugh! Ugh! Yup!"

That's not appropriate business commentary HOVA.

Lyrics here if you still think i'm nuts.

 

Beer Is Facing Fast Decline?

Key Take-Aways:

1. I don't know how I feel about Washington Post social reader (this article)
2. I don't believe it that Beer is declining so fast!! With the meteoric rise of microbreweries, how could this be?! I feel betrayed.

Don't Be A Jerk.

I've been crazy contemplative recently. I'm sure part of it is just the normal "this is what you do in your life when you're on the path of making big decisions every day such as where you're going to work and where you're going to live after you graduate from the most expensive educational experience of your life" (breath), but I'm sure that also a lot of this is, as we've discussed before, my neuroses.

I confess, recently, I've felt down about myself. I reflect on the life I've lived so far, and although I know that there are only more good days before me, I also know that there will be bad ones. My logic then, is, how can I make these bad days better? How can I change those things that are in my power to change (So no, I can't make myself a millionaire...unfortunately. I mean unless I take up turning tricks or something, and then I better be REALLY GOOD at turning tricks if that's my plan to make me a millionaire, so really, this is not a viable business plan for someone that--not even a millionaire-- wants to be somewhat wealthy. But I digress.) so that I can at least, if not make things better for myself, make things better for other people so that when those bad times come, I've prepared at least a little bit?

For example, my mom is getting older and she and my sister are all I really have family-wise in this world. Parents getting older inevitably will be hard, so what can I do now so that when those bad times come, it's easier on me, but also easier on my mom? My sister? I reflect on these things and always worry that I'm lacking-- that maybe I'm not smart enough, or not strong enough, or not calm enough, or that my Cheeto addiction might really cause cancer or that maybe I should stop drinking so much on the weekends (I justify this one away though by basically telling myself that a.) I'm in b-school and that is my duty in order to uphold tradition and b.) It's been a long, hard week-- you deserve a break! which is what I'm sure what all somewhat binge-drinkers my age say.) or that maybe I should get back to working at animal shelters because I'm a shmuck that has apparently stopped giving a crap about animals.

Regardless, I've been trying to find things that can make me better, and when I read this article by George Saunders (author extraordinaire-- it's okay if you need to look that up, I did too) it really kicked me in the gut. His advice is simple. Don't be a jerk. Exercise kindness whenever possible. And in its simplicity, it has some pretty complex, networked implications.

Because, why am I down? Maybe it's because I hear my ex talk about the dates he's going on, when he's actively been not trying to stay in contact with me. That's hard. He had been my best friend for 6 years. In a year more, I may never see him again. It's like I'm being erased as quickly as possible. Maybe it's because work has been so busy lately that I feel like I've been neglecting my friends a bit in order to selfishly get in (probably) way more sleep than I need. That's not cool of me. Or that in order to try to balance, I've been trying to go out a lot more on weekends, which is the only time that my family can see me, so now they really only see me when they make me dinner or help me do my laundry because I'm a sleepy monster. Or maybe it's the off-handed remarks I hear at b-school mixers, "Well you can't seriously think that your internship is important..." or "But you're not going to make any money doing what you do! You'll never be able to live in the Bay Area!".  (That's just plain depressing.) Maybe I'm already nervous about the coming year--- so many plans!! Where I'll have to make the most of it before I move away and staying in touch becomes much harder.

Regardless, George Saunders eloquently makes a case that gives me hope. I can't change what others do or say to me or how I react, but I can focus on being kind. Because everyone else is probably going through the same thing.