Tuesday, July 21, 2015

If I Was a Comedienne (Part 17)



The Tender Knob

So I'm relatively new to San Francisco, and everybody is excited all the time... "Ahhh! What a great city to live in! It must be great!" and it's pretty good. I have to say that the city has treated me pretty well so far.

When I first moved here, my "relocation coach" took me around to see a bunch of different apartments and... as someone who has grown up for a large part in the Bay Area, I was really surprised at how much renaming has happened in the city. So we went to all the normal places, like the mission and the marina and we looked at Noe Valley and all those good places. But then we finally got to my apartment that I live in now, which is on Van Ness. But it's in this weird place on Van Ness-- it's not quite the Hayes Valley, it's not quite Civic Center, not quite in the Tenderloin....and my realtor has the balls to tell me that I live in "The TenderNob". I mean, I don't know much about the city I suppose-- it's been awhile since I last lived here, but I'm 125% sure that she just made that up. It's like a bunch of realtors were sitting around a table one day and asked themselves, "How can we make the Tenderloin a less scary place to live? I know... let's add "Nob" on the end of it".

Don't get me wrong, I have no problems with living in the Tenderloin, I mean, my sister lived here when she first moved out too. But to be honest, The TenderNob sounds strangely sexual. I mean, it's called The. Tender. Nob. Run that through your brain for a second. Don't overthink it, but just take a second to enjoy it. Let it roll off your tongue. Not literally. But you know.