Music Is Kind of a Disgrace Now

They just don't make music like they used to. I've never realized the truth to these words until recently, because I feel like we've definitely entered into a very dry spell for music. But... if you can't beat 'em, you should join 'em. So here's my celebration of songs I secretly (not so secretly) love, but are kind of a disgrace to this whole "music-making" bizness.

• Carry Out-- Justin Timberlake and Timbaland: Although it pains me to ever write anything awful about these two, especially in what should be the holy grail of booty-shakin' music, I have to say that this one is pretty bad.
• Quote that puts them on the map?"Baby, you lookin' fine, I'll have you open all night like you IHOP" and "You lookin' good (baby, butt stays heavenly) I'm pretty sure you got your own recipe, so pick it up pick it up, yeah I like you, I just can't get enough I gotta drive through. So it's me you, you me, me you, all night, have it your way, foreplay-- before I feed your appetite."

   

• T.H.E.-- Will.I.Am feat. Jennifer Lopez: T.H.E (The Hardest Ever): I love Will.I.Am, particularly his Brazilian Samba album, but this just hurts me. He also runs around in a space suit, which is... kind of weird
• Offending quote? "Will he survive? Never deceased, I don’t think I’m ever gonna rest in peace, Imma kill the game, leave the rest in pieces, Now everybody want my recipe, Tell a jealous chicken I don't know what the beef is, I'm just making money for my grankids' nieces, Imma work hard, that's my thesis, This beat is a shit, feces"

 

•  Mmm-Hmm-- Austin Mahone feat. Pitbull: Anyone who knows me knows I love Pitbull.
• Offending quote? The entire chorus *sigh*. "When I saw her, walkin' down the street, she looked so fine, I just had to speak, I asked her name, but she turned away, as she walked all I could say was... mmm mmm yeah yeah, mmm mmm yeah yeah, all i could say was, mmm mmm yeah yeah, mmm mmm yeah"

•  OMG (If I Was You)-- Far East Movement feat. Snoop Dogg: I also love the FEM, especially since their 'Round, 'Round days, but... these two amazing things (FEM with Snoop Dogg) was supposed to be awesome, and it's just more awesomely terrible pickup lines
• Offending quote? " You ain't a dime, you a silver dolla, it'd be a crime, if I didn't holla!"

• Top of the World-- The Cataracs: I was actually surprised that The Cataracts didn't make more of a splash, because they are churning out some pretty awesome dance music, but that doesn't stop them from having some awesomely bad pick up lines in their music too...
• Offending quote? "Your daddy must have been a drug dealer (why) cause you dope, you the Bonny to my Clyde, Juliet and Romeo"

•  5, 4, 3, 2, 1 (Turn Around)-- Flo Rida: I really wanted to like this one, especially since it takes place in Brazil, which holds a special place in my heart.
• Offending quote? "Gotta body like this your world, make your booty go stupid gurrl"