TechnicalogiVentures (Bar & Grill)

I'm the bartender. My bar is a simple one named, somewhat non-sensical word. That's how you know I'm legit. I sit, I watch, wipe some cups, give knowing smirks when required of me.

Across the room, PayPal is a little gun-shy-- coming off of a small dating rut from the PayPal Here and layoffs, she's definitely ready to get back in the game with record mobile sales this holiday season thus far. Google and Apple are peacocking (look this up if you don't know what this means, it's a real thing...and hilarious that it's a real thing), sidled up by the bar in their hoodies and wayfarer sunglasses. Google is proudly showing off their new functionality for Google+, the fact that Barack Obama used Google Hangout (true story) and their general awesomeness high after finishing a year where they got big props for their Hurricane Sandy Emergency System (unfortunate cause, but fantastic response) and their winning (?) battles against their many legal suits. Maybe their Google Wallet hasn't been perfect, but they're tweaking it--adding new functionalities like P2P payments (much to PayPal's smugness). Apple released the iPhone5 to the delight of Appleheads everywhere....and to the sadness of the Apple Maps maker (really? You were "Surprised by the popularity of the maps function"?) / happiness of AOL's Mapquest (yes this still exists). Nevertheless, they still pin their iPad Mini's to their shirts, and play with their drinks while chatting with their "its complicated" significant other, Intel.

Microsoft is still in the dating game. Known for being one of the most exclusive bachelorettes (c'mon, I have to be gender neutral), Microsoft has long been a powerhouse and is warily testing out the waters with its new Surface tablet to complaints about it being too highly priced but also to cheers of it being filled with potential in bridging the gap between work and play.

I mostly console Groupon as he sits, hunched over his whiskey sour at the bar. He's had a bit of a rough year. His IPO didn't really work out like planned. Launched late last year, it was too be a match made in heaven--I mean, it seemed so good at first! IPO was The One, it was going to change the way that he could business, and for good reason! In the increasingly saturated market of e-couponing/ e-offers, Groupon is probably wishing they took Google's offer now that it's clear their business model needs a re-tweaking. Groupon has been reduced from eligible newbie to disheveled hipster-type, with his CEO under fire for plunging stock prices going so far to say that he would fire himself if he ever thought he was the wrong man for the job.

I just don't know how to help the guy honestly. I mean, if Restaurant.com is even getting in on the local deals business with their Double Deals, it seems like the whole world just wants to be single and try to make it on their own. Restaurant.com has a compelling story on his own, since he can leverage his existing market share that he's achieved through his restaurant coupons, but that just means (unfortunately) just more competition to pile on-- on top of the Gilt City, LivingSocial, HomeRun and LifeBookers of the world.

Maybe this is the time for the couponers to look at some of the non-central players that are also here. There's Visa who's hanging out casually shooting pool-- with their new e-commerce authentication system (driven by real-time risk analysis) its a true signal they're looking forward to more e-business and on-the-go quick payments. Since Groupon has also moved into that space, it could always be a good partnership-- sipping wine in front of a fireplace, discussing a right-time, right-place offers/payment solution.

Or maybe look at other relationships for inspiration. Amazon Payments just inked a deal with FailSafe Payments for merchant processing. Maybe not the sexiest relationship-- I mean, Failsafe is no Italian supermodel. But it's a stable one-- they have complementary interests, AND it provides substance to the relationship. Amazon gets more of that processing pie, FailSafe gets a little more big-name branding. That one might just work out.

I heard there might be some new eligible bachelors/bachelorettes coming on the scene-- a crowd-sourced fraud detection system, NCR and Ingenico are strong on the prepaid payments front (always an overlooked watering hole) and Square cut their pilot with New York Taxis short, so maybe they're looking.

Not everyone can be lucky in love. So don't give up hope yet, you lonely and looking. You'll find someone.

Until then, I'll be here to lend a sympathetic ear, talk it out. Maybe give out some hugs. Let me fill up your cup.

Update: Poor Groupon. Google just acquired a Incentive Targeting, and Mason finally caved to an interview with BusinessInsider yesterday, which people are dissecting as we speak. Poor PayPal! Visa has been seen about town with Bank of America and RBS to tout V.Me.