Things I Learned from the Internet, Part 103.5

I know that this has been blowing up all over the internets yesterday, but I really gotta say, every now and then the internet does something that's not related to porn, cute animals or consumerism that I really love. This is one of those things.

I've been a little anti-love and relationships for a bit recently just because, living in San Francisco makes me realize that dating is not really my scene. It's so fleeting-- and frankly, I'm just not interested even though all my friends are pressuring me to be. But, then I come across one of those videos that make me feel like, "Yeah. Love it. This is awesome. I'm back into it. Full circle."

So moral of the story, if you want to be depressed by stories about chemical warfare, a crap economy, political turmoil, porn, drugs and how nothing is really working right, turn to the internet. If you want a one in a million chance of seeing something that (if nothing else slightly) restores your faith, turn to the internet.

I also haven't really used Vine, but one of my co-workers turned me onto the video below, which made me giggle.

Not All Those Who Wander Are Lost

I really like to travel. There's something really exciting about going somewhere that you've never been, or even revisiting places that you've been before but just love so damn much that you have to keep going back. I also think that traveling inherently makes you a better person. I'm sure some people will argue that this isn't very nice, since it implies that only wealthy people can be good people since they're the only people that can really afford to travel. But to you, I say nay.

 You can "travel" locally! In fact, it's one of the best things to do. Sure, there's certain things that you can only learn in specific places, but really it's whatever place resonates best with you. I remember that when I was little, I didn't fully grasp what poverty was until I went to go visit family in Malaysia. The kids there had no toys, often their families (my extended family!) couldn't afford TVs, and because American junk food was so expensive, they didn't keep much of it in the house. They ate healthy, played outside, and had to play with each other for amusement. Things were hard-- I remember my cousin broke her arm falling down and her family couldn't afford to send her to the hospital (rural hospital was quite expensive) after my family left, but they still splinted her up and she's fine. (And apparently kind of a indestructible.)

My favorite thing about living in San Francisco this summer is just walking around. Wandering around downtown or the mission at night or on the weekend with friends is really fantastic. I think part of it is that, as we get older, we begin to lose that something--that unexplainable extra-- where you're just excited for no damn reason. Maybe it's the surprise factor-- the unexplainable excitement that comes from not knowing what comes next or around the corner. When you're little, it's literally everything because you barely know how to function like a normal human being (I still struggle sometimes). But when you're somewhere new, you don't know what is on THIS street or what is in THAT store/trail/fork in the road. This kind of freedom is so small that I think it slips through too often without anyone noticing. I know that I'm often so focused on work or school or whatever little drama or task that I need to think about that I fall into a predictable rut.

It's hard to keep telling myself to reset-- to think not just about what I'm doing, but why I'm doing it. Especially after years of consulting and (continuing) a high pressured, time-sensitive, deadline-driven lifestyle, taking time to wander seems illogical, inefficient. It's easier to just keep working, go to school and do everything that's expected. But I think that exploring, trying new things, going to new places remind me why I'm doing it, and that's most important of all.

The Chennai Express

So a couple weekends ago, I went to go visit my dear friends C and D who just moved to Redwood City from The City (San Francisco) and into a brand new (beautiful!) condo. Among other things, we had a great weekend going for walks in the wildlife reserve outside of their front porch (life’s rough, right?), debating the safety of his new, red Ducati speed bike, most likely drinking more than we should and “doing Indian things” (their words, not mine). We went to Indian brunch, where I got some dosa (a large crepe-like thing, which you tear into pieces and eat with one of the five various sauces that it’s served with) and going to an Indian movie. We went to go watch Chennai Express, which, although there are terrible reviews of it floating around, I found to be thoroughly interesting and enjoyable. I learned a lot. It was truly a cultural experience. A recap:

• All my Indian friends love to dance, but they always made fun of how funny Indian dancing (moves often stolen from Bollywood movies) is. Well, there is AWESOME music in Bollywood movies, so my conclusion is that Indians dance differently (note: not just standing there dry humping the air) because their music is better. Here’s what I see for the future-- a return of Indian beats (bhangra beats, yo) in mainstream music again (kind of like when we saw the emergence of latin music in the 90s)
• Why can’t all movie theaters offer snacks of the samosa variety? I tell you what, it doesn’t have to be an Indian movie for me to thoroughly enjoy a mango lassi (I know it’s not “real Indian food”, but I really like them) and a samosa with my movie. I think they’d pair just as well with the new Wolverine movie than with Chennai Express. Delicious
• I feel like I got my money’s worth. It was approximately a 3 hour movie. I got an intermission in the middle-- to buy more snacks. When I came back, there was another set of previews before the movie started again. This, my friends, has got to be pure marketing genius. Someone in the Indian movie industry came up with the “Why not two sets of previews? Two sets of advertising revenue? Two times to build hype for what’s coming up?” and someone gave him a million dollars in a burlap sack (with a green dollar sign painted on it). I’m pretty sure that’s how it works when you’re a business genius
• Finally, I know Indian movies get a lot of crap because they’re slightly formulaic. Okay, really formulaic. The formula basically goes like this: take one protagonist who is poor, have them meet by chance another main character of the opposite sex who is not. Have them fall in love. Introduce a third party that is a hurdle for the two characters to overcome if they want to be together. Multiply with some family disbelief, some family members trying to secretly sabotage/support the two lovebirds and then some silly antics. Divide by one big (very public) confession/show of love. Live happily ever after. I’m not a big romantic, although I wish I was. But the best part of the movie is the escapism. It’s just so over the top that you actually begin wishing that you could believe that life will work out like that and you’ll find the person that will make you happy (and apparently break into a choreographed dancing/singing number with elephants) and that understands where you’re coming from even though you’re from two different worlds. I’m willing to pay for that

Now, all I need to do is find another Indian movie house. Chai please.

And, to end on a dance number:

If Pitbull Wasn't Pitbull...

He could be an excellent telephone operator. 

"Hi, I'd like to look up a movie theater in...."

[Pitbull]

Went from Mr. 305 (DJ) to Mr. Worldwide, all around the world

Now we're International, So international, international, So international

You can't catch me, boy

I'm overseas and with about a hundred G's per show

Don't test me boy, (Don't test me boy)

Cause I rap with the best for sure,

305 till the death of me

Cremate my body and let the ocean have what's left of me

But for now, forget about that,

Blow the whistle

Baby you're the referee

DALE!

"Uhm, I actually just wanted to know if there "This Is the End" is playing near me. Could you look up..."

[Chorus: Chris Brown]

You put it down like New York City

I never sleep, wild like Los Angeles

My fantasy, hotter ill be Miami

I feel the heat!

Ohh, Miss International love (international)

Ohh, Miss International love

[Pitbull]

I don't play football but I've touched down everywhere

Everywhere? Everywhere! (dale!)

I don't play baseball but I've hit a home run everywhere, everywhere

I've been to countries and cities I can't pronounce

And the places on the globe I ain't know existed

In Romania she pulled me to the side and told me `Pit, you can have me and my sister.`

In Lebanon, yeah the women are bomb

And in Greece you've guessed it the women are sweet

Been all around the world but I ain't gon' lie there's nothing like Miami's heat

Dale!

"Well that sounds like a great time! I'm actually looking for something in the Bay Area? Maybe? Uhm, closer to Daly City if possible..."

[Chorus: Chris Brown]

You put it down like New York City

I never sleep, wild like Los Angeles

My fantasy, hotter ill be Miami

I feel the heat!

Ohh, Miss International love (international that's right!)

Ohh, Miss International love

"Is there someone else on the line? Who is that?"

[Pitbull]

Down in D.R. they're looking for visas,

I ain't talking credit cards if you know what I mean!

En Cuba, la cosa esta dura!

But the woman get down, if you know what I mean!

In Colombia the women got everything on but they're some of the most beautiful women I've ever seen

In Brazil they're freaky with big ol' booties and their thongs, blue yellow and green!

In L.A. tengo la Mexicana, en New York tengo la boricua

Besito para todas las mujeres en Venezuela, muah! (mami)

Y en Miami tengo a cualquiera!

"I thought I pressed one for English...hold on..."

[Chorus: Chris Brown]

You put it down like New York City

I never sleep, wild like Los Angeles

My fantasy, hotter ill be Miami

I feel the heat! (all around the world)

Ohh, Miss International love

Ohh, Miss International love

"So I'm actually looking for the Bay Area? West of those places?"

[Chris Brown]

There's not a place that your love don't affect me baby

So don't ever change

I cross the globe when I'm with you baby

Heeey (Chris Brown)

Woah-oh  

"I really don't want a relationship...just so info, can I talk to you manager?"

[Bridge: Pitbull]

Chris Brown

This for the women worldwide

That's right

"This is way more than I asked for..."

[Chorus x2: Chris Brown]

You put it down like New York City (212)

"Anything in the 415?"

I never sleep, wild like Los Angeles (310)

"No? 415? Nothing?"

My fantasy, hotter ill be Miami (305)

"I'm not in the f-ing 305! I want 415! 415!!"

I feel the heat! (305!)

Ohh, Miss International love (international?)

Ohh, Miss International love (so international... you international? so international...)

*click*

Read more: Chris Brown - International Love Lyrics | MetroLyrics 

Some People Just Like to Watch the World Burn: How Google Is Getting in (Little) Trouble

Everyone loves to root for the underdog. If you’re me, you REALLY like to root for the underdog. I mean, I know a thing or two about underdogs-- it’s almost like a set out in my life to be the underdoggiest of the underdogs (note to self: don’t use the term “underdoggiest” again. It sounds dirty in a not-good way.). Some people came from divorced families? Single parents? I came from a divorced family and didn’t grow up with either of my parents. Boom. Some kids struggle to pay for college? I struggled to pay for high school and then got a scholarship to college. Asthma, high blood pressure and high cholesterol all run in my family. But I grab my inhaler (sports-induced, the most gangster of all asthma types) and go play whatever sports I want. I went to Notre Dame (enough said). And when I graduated and moved to Chicago, I started rooting for the Cubs. There’s just something gratifying knowing that-- hoping against hope-- maybe one day, the impossible (improbable) might happen. Similar to birthday cake, the happiness associated it with it is strongly tied to its rarity. 

There are other people that are the antithesis of people like me. Their love of underdog is more generalistic-- they generally just hate to see the big guy win. It’s a more negative take on the rooting for the underdog. Those people will be very happy to hear, it seems like all phasers at set to Google. 

I’ve long been a Google-lover. I like the convenience of my gmail and all that space of my drive!! I mean, I could upload homework docs for days (yes, this is my life now that I’m in business school). Their Hangout leaves much to be desired, simply because its so glitchy and inconsistent, but I’m sure it will improve over time. That being said though, my reaction in the current news is really more like this:

So what's happened? 

1. Facebook decided to eat Google's lunch by building a user interface that essentially sits on top of all the hard work that Google put into creating their operating system. Google is in a tough spot here because they can't close off their developer capabilities (they've long stated that they are the open-sourced system) but at the same time, if they don't do anything, Facebook is essentially going to take away all of those eyes from Google's normal system/hard work and then where will the ad dollars go if all the data is diverted?
2. It also appeared on my radar recently that Google has a thing called Project Loon, which is their attempt to beam internet access down to earth from (not kidding) plastic balloons floating 11 miles into the atmosphere. Despite their best intentions of providing internet access to everyone (including developing countries), they've come under scrutiny and critique from people claiming that maybe they aren't in it to help people but maybe just trying to get more people to look at their ads. As Bill Gates (who is heavily investing in medical care for developing countries) said, "When a kid gets diarrhea, no, there’s no Web site that relieves that"
3. Google's prime hardware manufacturers are also coming out with new devices, but where there were once held breaths and excited whispers, new announcements have people wondering, is that a smart phone or a tablet? Take Samsung's new jumbo phone called the Galaxy Mega. At over 6 inches, it can't fit in my pocket but it's too small to use for productivity...Compensation purposes I guess?

I feel bad to watch the darling of Silicon Valley being dinged on relatively small things in the bigger scope of their tech lives, but it's still interesting to see how quickly public opinion can turn (even in little ways). Keep on keepin' on Google! Now you know how Apple, Cisco, Microsoft and Oracle feel I guess. 

Code {poems}

I read the other day that people were beginning to write poetry in code. Like, developer code. Code, since it's essentially its own language, really actually lends itself well to this.

I love this idea. I don't know what kind of nerdy braniac decided to do this, and I'm sure I won't understand any of the poetry, but this is awesome.

The GoogleBox? The PSG?

I like to know things. I read a lot of magazines. I wonder a lot about just things that I see in my every day life-- they usually range from the "I wonder what the fiscal cliff is going to do to my portfolio this time around?" to the "If you wanted to design Pictionary for cats, how would that work?". So I'm not saying it's all gold people, I'm just saying it happens. And of course, my curiosity definitely bleeds into my personal life in the sense that I like to think that I care a lot about my friends and family-- I try to memorize birthdays, know preferences (loves avocado, hates olives, loves their boyfriend, hates their girlfriend, etc.) and life characteristics (wants to be single forever, regrets breaking up, wants to get married, heavy McDonald's eater after 2AM--yes this is a life characteristic people). All of these things make me a better person to be around I think, because I can use these facts to make sure I can make you happy. So that makes sense. Companies do this too. However, my curiosity can't hold a candle to what Google knows and wants to know about you. But despite all of their best intentions, I don't know if they're really using the right methods to get to that information.

I read a really interesting analysis of the new (rumored) Google gaming system the other day at SeekingAlpha (Don't Do It Google!) and I have to admit I'm fascinated. With all of the money that Google has been investing into gathering information on its customers (and then turning around and selling that data) they've seem to have migrated into the business of "do whatever it takes to get more customer data" so that they can sell their ads, etc.

When they used this strategy (early on, might I add, before any of us really realized how valuable this would be) and made maps so that essentially they could begin to see all the location data that was flowing through the system and be able to partner it with reviews, check ins, and then (an attempted) integration with their fledgling social media platform, Google+, that made sense. Why not collect more information about where people are? You're already collecting information on what they are interested in (search), who they hang out with  (Google+), what they like (reviews through Google Maps) and who they go with (check ins). Then they decided that maybe communications was this deal, but the short life of Google Wave put the kibosh on that. That was fine though because they had Google Hangouts, so all was well again. They also began offering Google Drive, so that now, while they couldn't see what exactly you were doing/sending, they could see the frequency of your doing/sending and the size of the things you were doing/sending. So that hedges their bets for storage, in case they need any information in the future on the average person's usage of storage or if they decide to apply that information to enterprise initiatives and offerings that they currently have.

But then they began investing into gaming. That makes sense, to an extent. Why wouldn't they want to know what people do for fun? Besides, there's some money to be made in gaming, especially casual gaming, which is a growing niche of gamers (much to my sadness, because that means I won't have anyone to play Champions of Norrath or Ultimate Alliance with-- Who will be the Captain America to my Storm?)(Yes, I play as storm. Yes I realize this is a wrong life choice. Yes I die all the time. But I do it anyway. Because I have loved storm since childhood.). However, to build your own gaming console is a totally different story. UNLESS....

Ninny's Rules for Building a Super-Awesome Gaming Console If You're Google

• Social Playing-- Duh. Just steal this from Microsoft's Xbox. Not only could it potentially bring in subscription money, but it gives you more social data. There have been whole studies around social behavior that have been modeled through games (They've used WoW to model the financial impact of TARP on American society. True story.)
• Allow for an Open Development Environment -- Basically, do what you always do. Make it open, encourage developers to make stuff on it. Buy/take the cream of the crop. Monetize. Repeat until you can dive around in Scrooge McDuck mountains of money. 
• Allow for Some Free Games -- No one else is really doing this right now because its pricey. Sure we get some free levels on Candy Crush Saga, but it still follows the "freemium" model. Google has the money to make completely free games and give them away, so why not? Worst case scenario is that you get people like my mom who will casually (i.e. maniacally, obsessively) play them when their kids aren't around. It's a gateway game my friend-- give them something free first as a gesture of goodwill and maybe you can trick them into giving you stuff you want (money, data) later. Take a note from the pilgrims.
• Make It Simple -- Walk a fine line here though. Too little functionality makes real gamers mad that it's not exactly like their PS3 or XBox. Too much functionality make the Wii-heads get frustrated. Give it a range of games, but make the UI simple. That means: limit all the random streaming stuff that you want to give me as a default, but also allow me to download Netflix and Hulu on there if I want.
• Figure Out Your Partnerships -- Consoles aren't just consoles anymore. So give me something to entertain myself with. Netflix? Hulu? HBO or Starz? That would be awesome. A partnership to stream old episodes of my favorite network shows by partnering with my cable company or network? Even better. Say goodbye DVR, Google just ate your lunch. 
• Don't Forget About Security-- I'm sick of all these security leaks. Google's come under a lot of fire because security is a natural trade off for something that's super open. Let's not make that mistake with this device because I might want to put my entire life through it.

Ultimately, Google's console has the potential to be a lot of different things, but above all, a portal to all of the media that we currently enjoy in our homes. They certainly have enough information about me to make it customized to my needs. Now they just need to go-- be awesome. Call me Ororo.