The Older I Get....

The more I realize that I have no idea what I'm doing. Am I right? I'm supposed to be an "adult" now. I finished undergrad. I worked for a few years. I met interesting people, I traveled to a lot of different cities. I even own a piece of furniture that doesn't come from Ikea!! Don't all of these things somehow, when mashed together, make me an official adult? And, as an adult, doesn't that mean that I wake up and suddenly know how to make decisions and go about choosing a proper life plan for myself? Or at least get a manual?

Alas, 'tis not so. This is what I thought it would be like once I left work to go to business school:

1. I would leave work and go through three quarters a year at a really hard business school. Let the butt-kicking commence. (This was so broad it was impossible for it NOT to happen.)
2. I would take a lot of courses that I really have no business taking because I have no in-depth experience there. I would take them any way however, because, well, that's what I'm paying so much for dangit. (Butt-kicking commences. This part happened.)
3. I would be jealous of people who don't do this because they're lives are way less painful than mine. (This also really happened.)
4. I would meet some of the best people in the world and we would become best friends. (This happened. And I also met some of the not-so-best people in the world. That happens too.)
5. I would find an internship that is super exciting and would let me really know what life is like. I would meet lots of new interesting people, live in the bay area for awhile, and ultimately really figure out my life-- my financial life, my social life, my love life, my career life-- hell, even my avatar on Sim City was going to get a makeover.  (This did not happen.)

Okay, so I guess maybe I put a little too much pressure on my summer internship being the end-all, be-all of my growth as...you know, a human being, but I honestly did think that I would be more sure of myself than I am now. Because, I've found out, the problem with doing stuff, is that, the more you do, the more questions you have-- Why am I doing this and not something else? (Thanks Booth, for making me second-guess myself constantly. You call it a "analytical" mindset, I call it I'm-going-to-be-a-nervous-wreck-and-need-therapy-in-five-years.) Am I doing it the right way? The right place? With the right people? Am I making my life meaningful? Am I sharing these experiences with people that I actually care about?

I've also noticed that as I've gotten older it's become less about what I'm doing and more about who I'm doing it with-- my friends, family, my team. Being able to share life experiences with people you care about make all the difference in the world. So... for now, I'm not sure if the what or the why or the how is perfect, but I guess I can rest easy knowing that the who is pretty awesome (from a musical sense and an overall life sense).