My Four Quartets

Florence + The Machine-"Dog Days Are Over"


I always thought that reading would be more exciting if you could somehow listen to music that would invoke a mood, like a soundtrack in a movie. So let's try an experiment- I'll be embedding some songs at the beginning of some of my posts. We'll see if I get any hate mail.


So I think it's time for some self-reflection. Today was the big day- I had two outstanding admissions decisions, strangely enough at opposite ends of my application pool. One from Stanford, one from Anderson. Got dinged by Stanford today and received a simple "waitlist confirmed" email from Anderson- not the happy, good news call that I had been hoping for.

Yet, in the craziness, my mind turned to one of my favorite poems by T.S. Eliot, an excerpt from his Four Quartets. (The Four Quartets was considered his masterpiece, the one that earned him his Nobel prize in literature. Although he has strong Christian themes throughout his work and created each of his chapters around an element, the fourth chapter of his quartets ("Little Gidding"- where the below quote is from), considered to symbolize fire, is said to have strong Buddhist undertones. Some say that the strong Buddhist leanings and symbolism in The Four Quartets was a sign of a life crisis, or maybe his reflections on death.)

"We shall not cease from exploration and the end of all our exploring will be to arrive where we started and know the place for the first time."

But excuse my tangent. I was reminded of his quote, and I began to do a little self-reflection. I feel like I've made a little circle of exploration, maybe I was returning now to that place where I should take some time to figure out what I may have learned. I think it's probably good to have a check in with yourself every now and then. Sometimes it's a simple "So, it's Friday night and I'm working on deliverables. This is bad, right?" but sometimes when I particularly disappoint myself or have big things happen in my life, I think it's good to take stock.

I kept wondering, "What events in my life got me to here?" but also "What skills have I learned through events in my life have gotten me here? Have they helped make me successful? How?". This is the list I came up with:

1. Working at the Boys & Girls Club- First lesson in dealing with workplace politics and stubborn stakeholders. Definitely useful for success
2. Pole Vaulting- My coach would always tell me, "If you don't feel comfortable during your approach, you always have a chance to go back, take a deep breath and try it again. So don't settle." Great advice- before it would help me with my jumps, now it helps me keep my temper under control and try to approach things as bravely as possible (notice I don't say "without fear"). Probably useful for success even though it doesn't feel that way
3. Waiting Tables- Ability to juggle multiple things at once-balancing them on my arms and wrists. Used to be plates and glasses, now it's lunch for me, my wallet, phone and coffee break requests from my team. Definitely useful for success
4. Going to Community College Starting in Middle School- Made me comfortable with being the odd one out. Sometimes useful, depending on the situation

Overall though, where am I? I'm not happy by any stretch that my first attempt at bschool has been so dismal. But I am pretty happy where my life has gone, I don't have many regrets, and I'm still pretty young, so lots of time for new beginnings to happen. Reapplications start around May. Here we go.